Easy Way to Modify Unwanted Behavior…

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

August 23, 2010

Everything that you and I do can be broken down into simple behaviors. It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, black, white, red, rich, or poor. It affects us all the same. The behaviors that we most frequently engage in are the ones we typically link the most pleasure to. The ones we do our best to avoid are the ones we most link to pain. Let me explain. For example, when people choose to go on a diet it is because they link more pain to being overweight than they do pleasure. When people quit diets it’s because the pleasure of quiting the diet is greater than the pain of doing so. Often times  the hardest route to take is also the most painful (hardest) which is why some people never finish what they intended on doing in the first place.  This simple rule can be applied to just about anything you do on a daily basis. Observe your behaviors throughout the day and you’ll see what I mean.

If you want something and are lacking the motivation at times to follow through, just remember that you have the power to change that. But first you must make sure your brain is properly programmed. If you’re pain vs. pleasure is off, then you may encounter some difficulties in the long haul.

(Pain vs. Pleasure)   It can be as simple as that.

Make it a great Monday.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

P.S. If you would like more details on how to incorporate and utilize the pain vs. pleasure principle in your life contact me today!

P.P.S. Please feel free to share your comments on www.fixtheknot.com/forum or look me up on Facebook and Twitter!

Learn to Let Go…

Post by: Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

August 25, 2010

At times throughout our lives we have moments of regret and feel like things could have worked out better if we had just done something differently. Sometimes even hanging on to past failures and dwelling on them for far too long. This type of mindset is dangerous because it denies us the ability to  grow & learn from our mistakes by moving forward. It’s difficult to move forward if you’re always looking backwards right? If we keep in mind that we are only human and life is a lesson by trial and error, we will understand that in order to grow one must have an experience or experiences to grow from. No one is perfect and I challenge anyone to give me an example of a successful person that hasn’t made a mistake or have any regrets in life. There’s always something you can look back on and say “what if I had done this or that differently?” “How might have things turned out?”

You can’t really change what happened yesterday, but you can certainly make sure tomorrow doesn’t have the same ending. The past does not equal the future. Every day we are given the opportunity to start fresh.

Stay focused on whatever you do and don’t dwell in the things you cannot change. Learn from past failures and mistakes, and keep an open mind about it.  Focus your efforts on making sure tomorrow is a better day.

“A mistake is only a mistake, if you didn’t learn from it.”

Make it a great Wednesday.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

P.S. Ask about your free initial coaching session by joining our mailing list!

P.P.S. Please feel free to share your comments on www.fixtheknot.com/forum or www.gabriellorie.wordpress.com/

Also look me up on Facebook and Twitter!

Surprise! A Relationship Takes Work…

Seems that with today’s online networking and the availability of things such as “speed dating”, we are losing the essentials of building solid foundations for our personal relationships. With web sites that promise to find you your soul mate with the click of a button, it takes the work out of finding your perfect match. This can be dangerous because it denies us the ability to learn about the types of people we like and characteristics we don’t like.

It’s no coincidence that the divorce rate is at an all time high either. According to Forrest Institute of Professional Psychology, the divorce rate for first marriages is 50%, 67% for second marriages, and 74% percent for third marriages. Assuming those numbers are accurate, that is one big problem we have! So the question is why so many divorces? Well, for one, getting a divorce has become relatively easier than ever and secondly I firmly believe that people honestly aren’t putting in the time and energy needed into establishing a strong foundation for their relationships. If the foundation isn’t strong then how are you expected to survive the eventual pitfalls of any marriage? The secret can be unlocked if you know who you’re marrying in the first place.

According to experts the top reasons for divorce are: finances, unfaithfulness, lack of communication, mental and or physical abuse. If you notice, all of these reasons have little or nothing to do with love. Please correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t love the reason people are supposed to be getting married in the first place? What these staggering statistics suggest to me is that love is either not as important, or sadly misunderstood. Love is not something you can work on during a marriage. It should be present before that and the primary reason for getting married in the first place. Forming a bond that will last a life time is hard to form over a short period of time unless you are extremely fortunate. So how do we strengthen our bond with our partner? Below are some tips:

  • Take the time to just listen to your partner: Good communication will help you and your partner feel appreciated. Not to mention avoid potentially avoidable arguments down the road.
  • Meet your partner half way: Compromise is an essential characteristic of any healthy relationship. You will both benefit from it.
  • Romance: Just because you’ve been with your partner for some time doesn’t mean you can’t be romantic. Be spontaneous and compliment your partner. This will help keep the relationship “sexy” and the attraction strong.
  • Respect your partner: Honor the commitment you share by staying faithful and not engaging in behaviors that can lead to cheating. If you or your partner are unfaithful, you need to re-examine your relationship. Coaching, and or counseling can help you find some answers.
  • Understand your role: Men and women are different in just about every category. Realize that your needs may not be the same as your partners. Good communication should help clarify this.

 

These are just a few points to look for when building a healthy relationship. The choice to make it work is up to both parties. It has to be a partnership. A dictatorship type of relationship has never, and will never be a characteristic of a healthy relationship.

Just like the Chinese concept of Yin and Yang… One side compliments the other, but both are need to complete the whole.

Have a great weekend.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

P.S. Need Relationship Coaching? Contact me today to set up your free initial session to determine if coaching is right for you.

It’s Never Too Late…

I’ve personally heard people tell me that “It’s too late for me to change this” or “I’m too old to do that”. Quite frankly I don’t subscribe to that type of mentality and for the life of me can’t understand why some people do either? With all the information and technology that we have available today, we capable of greater things than our parents and grandparents so why the defeatist mentality? Could it be a form of social conformity? Maybe a convenient way to fit in? I’m not sure what the exact reasons are but I can tell you that it’s all hog wash! If you’re mindset is properly adjusted, you can certainly accomplish most anything in life, at any age, at any time.

Nola Ochs didn’t subscribe to the non-sense either . At the age of 95, she became the world’s oldest college graduate. Or how about former school teacher Katsusuke Yanagisawa who became the oldest person to climb Everest at the ripe age of 71. These are just two examples of people who did not accept their age as a limitation. Instead they had a vision of what they wanted to accomplish and completed the task successfully. They did not listen to the naysayers that tried to discourage them from their dreams.

The moral of all of this is the sooner you remove the limitations that you have set upon yourself, the sooner you will realize the potential you have to accomplish extraordinary feats.

Trust yourself, and most importantly believe in yourself because when the road becomes tough, you may be on your own. Belief, faith, and determination, will carry you the rest of the way.

In the words of the great pioneer of his day when describing  his martial art philosophy:

“Having no limitation as limitation” –Bruce Lee

Make it a great Monday.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

P.S. Please feel free to share your comments on www.fixtheknot.com/forum or www.gabriellorie.wordpress.com/

Also look me up on Facebook and Twitter!

Adaptation

It’s great to have a plan and execute it to the tee, but sometimes, like many things in life, things don’t go exactly as planned. It’s important to stick with your plan as much as possible but it is equally important to understand that making adjustments along the way can be vital to getting to your desired outcome. This is not to say that you should expect to alter your plans when designing whatever it is that you’re trying to accomplish, but rather it is the ability to adapt to your surroundings and circumstances. Keeping that in mind, may just save you time and heartache in the future.

However under no circumstances does this mean it is ok to just abandon ship. Stick to it. Especially when things are not looking so good. That is the time when the most effort is needed and more than likely you will be rewarded for your effort.

The seeds you sow today, will be what you harvest tomorrow.

What adjustments could you make today that would help you reach your goal(s)?

Make it a great Monday.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

P.S. Please feel free to share your comments on www.fixtheknot.com/forum      Also look me up on Facebook and Twitter!

Trust Your Intuition

October 13, 2010

It has been a while since my last post and I apologize for that. Things have certainly been moving at a fast pace for me lately but I will do my best to make sure I keep my loyal fans happy. On to the task at hand…

It seems that sometimes we’re conflicted about important decisions we must make in our lives. Sometimes the choices are clear and sometimes we can go back and forth from one to another. While certain decisions demand more time to think than others it is important to always remember that the answers often lay right in front of us. That is why coaching is such a valuable asset to have in your life. A coach can help you clear up some of the difficult situations we all face from time to time by reflecting what is being said during the session. This is a method also used by therapists, and psychologists as well.  However, any good coach or therapist for that matter, will tell you that the best psychologist and or coach lies within you. Let me explain. Sometimes we tell others of our dilemmas and or problems hoping they can offer us a solution. While this can certainly be helpful in laying out all the issues, it is important to remember to trust your intuition or your gut feeling. We’ve all had that feeling from time to time where we just know what the “right” decision is, even when it’s not necessarily what we want at that particular time.

You already know more than you think, and you may not be giving yourself enough credit for it. Remember that no one knows you better than you know yourself.

If you are struggling to find meaning and are looking to create a lasting impact in your life, I would recommend hiring a coach. Not because I happen to be a certified coach, but because I know from personal experience that it works and really does have a lasting impact if you’re ready to accept it.

Make it a great Wednesday,

Gabriel Lorie, Certified Performance Coach                                                         gabriel@fixtheknot.com

P.S. Please feel free to share your comments on my forum or my blog. Also look me up on Facebook and Twitter!

P.P.S. If you any questions about coaching and how it can help you, feel free to send me an email  at gabriel@fixtheknot.com and I will be more than happy to answer them for you.

An Undervalued Ingredient To Success…

October 29, 2010

We’ve all heard about the importance of planning and focus when it comes to obtaining just about anything in life. One key ingredient to this formula that is often undervalued is anticipation. For those of you who understand and have played chess this will make a lot of sense. Anticipation in a chess match is necessary in order to put yourself in a position to win. For example, if I make my move now, I have to anticipate how my opponent is going to respond, and in most instances this has to be 2-3 or more moves ahead (depending on your skill level). In life I’ve often observed how some of us like to act on the now, which is a great concept however it is beneficial to anticipate several “moves” ahead also. Much like chess, you will make your moves and your opponent(s), will make theirs.

Now this can be applied to relationships, work life, exercising, chess, martial arts, and just about anything you can think of. In the case of relationships, you may say something to your partner not realizing what will happen or how they will react as a result. They may react differently than you originally imagined, but if you apply the same strategy as you would in a chess match you would already have an idea as to how your partner will react and be several “moves” ahead.

In summary what anticipation really teaches is to think about the things you do before you do them like you would in a chess match. This will help you in the long run, and quite possible save you time and heart-ache in the future.

Make it a great Friday.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

Opportunities

November 10, 2010

Life is a series of opportunities and what matters most is not if you succeed or fail but instead it’s about seizing the moment when it presents itself. Don’t let a single one pass you by because you just may end up regretting it. Act on the opportunity if you see fit and sometimes even if you don’t. Some of the most successful people in the world are also some of the biggest gamblers in the world. They take risks and sure some of them don’t work out, but you can’t win big if you don’t gamble every now and then. Take chances and constantly “push the envelope” so to speak because that is the quickest way to achieve anything worth getting. Dream BIG, think BIG, and take BIG chances every now and then because that’s what will eventually propel you to the next level and beyond.

This rule applies to everything from starting a business to finding the love of your life. If you don’t take enough chances you’ll always wonder “what if?”, and that may very well eat you up inside for the rest of your life. Don’t let that happen folks. Life is way to short to be spending it thinking about what you should have done. Instead it should be spent thinking about what you’re going to do next.

Make it a great Wednesday.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

“What time is it?”…

November 12, 2010

Today’s post is inspired by one of my favorite books of all time, Way of The Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman. In the book, the main character’s teacher asks him:

Teacher: Where are you? Student: Here. Teacher: What time is it? Student: Now. Teacher: What are you? Student: This moment.

Did you understand the meaning of what is being said here? Well maybe reading the book would help further clarify but I think this little dialogue makes a clear point. Often times we let life take us where it pleases, but we forget that we’re the ones who are supposed to be behind the wheel. Live in the present. Live in the now. You can’t change certain things that happen in life but you have total control of how you deal with it, and you most certainly have control of right now. Now is all you have, so enjoy the moment and make the most of it in any way you can.

I’ll put it to you this way as it was presented in the book. If you knew you had a terminal illness and you only had a limited time on this earth, what would you do with the time you have left? Well the truth is you do have a terminal illness. It’s called birth. Your time is limited, as it is for all of us. Enjoy every single moment as much as you can, and don’t let an opportunity pass you by. Live in the now because that is truly all we have control over.

Find peace in the things you have and the people around you. I’m sure you will notice the many blessings you already have, and you will be well on your way to becoming a “peaceful warrior”.

So I ask you one last time, “what time is it?”

 

Make it a great Friday.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

gabriel@fixtheknot.com

www.fixtheknot.com

P.S. If you’d like to discuss this principle in further detail, feel free to contact me anytime.

P.P.S. I highly recommend reading “Way of The Peaceful Warrior”. It is one of those books that can change your life…

DO.YOUR.JOB.

December 20, 2010

I write to you this morning inspired by a proven work ethic that has captured my attention because of its simplicity and effectiveness. NFL fans will know about the New England Patriots and how they’ve had tremendous success over the past decade or so by winning 3 super bowls since 2002. Although talent and the right personnel will help any team succeed, it’s their work ethic and mindset that propels this team to its success. You see they believe that each individual has an important place in their system. Their philosophy is for each player to focus on what they are doing and not on what anyone else is doing. Just inside the Patriots facility hangs a sign that says “WHEN YOU COME HERE, DO YOUR JOB.” A simple but powerful reminder to do what is asked of you and to do it well.

There are many ways to apply this simple message to our daily lives. For example, how many days do you wake up in the morning feeling tired and not ready for work? Or how many days are you just not as inspired as usual to perform your given tasks? How many times have you wanted to “coast” until the end of the day and try again tomorrow? It’s happened to all of us at one point or another, but winning requires work, and the less you work, the less likely you are to win.

So when those feelings start to creep in, just remember that you have a job to do, whatever that may be. “DO YOUR JOB” and you will start to see that you will take pride in whatever you do. Success is attracted to a good work ethic. Just ask the New England Patriots of the NFL. They have the championship rings to prove it.

Make it a great Monday,

Gabriel Lorie (Certified Performance Coach)

gabriel@fixtheknot.com