Surprise! A Relationship Takes Work…

Seems that with today’s online networking and the availability of things such as “speed dating”, we are losing the essentials of building solid foundations for our personal relationships. With web sites that promise to find you your soul mate with the click of a button, it takes the work out of finding your perfect match. This can be dangerous because it denies us the ability to learn about the types of people we like and characteristics we don’t like.

It’s no coincidence that the divorce rate is at an all time high either. According to Forrest Institute of Professional Psychology, the divorce rate for first marriages is 50%, 67% for second marriages, and 74% percent for third marriages. Assuming those numbers are accurate, that is one big problem we have! So the question is why so many divorces? Well, for one, getting a divorce has become relatively easier than ever and secondly I firmly believe that people honestly aren’t putting in the time and energy needed into establishing a strong foundation for their relationships. If the foundation isn’t strong then how are you expected to survive the eventual pitfalls of any marriage? The secret can be unlocked if you know who you’re marrying in the first place.

According to experts the top reasons for divorce are: finances, unfaithfulness, lack of communication, mental and or physical abuse. If you notice, all of these reasons have little or nothing to do with love. Please correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t love the reason people are supposed to be getting married in the first place? What these staggering statistics suggest to me is that love is either not as important, or sadly misunderstood. Love is not something you can work on during a marriage. It should be present before that and the primary reason for getting married in the first place. Forming a bond that will last a life time is hard to form over a short period of time unless you are extremely fortunate. So how do we strengthen our bond with our partner? Below are some tips:

  • Take the time to just listen to your partner: Good communication will help you and your partner feel appreciated. Not to mention avoid potentially avoidable arguments down the road.
  • Meet your partner half way: Compromise is an essential characteristic of any healthy relationship. You will both benefit from it.
  • Romance: Just because you’ve been with your partner for some time doesn’t mean you can’t be romantic. Be spontaneous and compliment your partner. This will help keep the relationship “sexy” and the attraction strong.
  • Respect your partner: Honor the commitment you share by staying faithful and not engaging in behaviors that can lead to cheating. If you or your partner are unfaithful, you need to re-examine your relationship. Coaching, and or counseling can help you find some answers.
  • Understand your role: Men and women are different in just about every category. Realize that your needs may not be the same as your partners. Good communication should help clarify this.


These are just a few points to look for when building a healthy relationship. The choice to make it work is up to both parties. It has to be a partnership. A dictatorship type of relationship has never, and will never be a characteristic of a healthy relationship.

Just like the Chinese concept of Yin and Yang… One side compliments the other, but both are need to complete the whole.

Have a great weekend.

Gabriel Lorie

Certified Performance Coach

P.S. Need Relationship Coaching? Contact me today to set up your free initial session to determine if coaching is right for you.

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